Camouflaged voices in me…

Camouflaged i was…
Lost in the race of time
Where am I to be blamed forever?
Wishing to set myself free from this reign.
The reign of hiding myself…
Hiding away in the race of life..
Hiding away the true self,
Hiding the pain, i endured…
Hiding the laughter i wish to share..
It seems impossible to get myself out of it..
Is it the world that i am afraid of..
Or is it the real piece of me, that i hid underneath,
Unaware as i stand here..
Unable to uncover what is covered…
The mirror lies to me, every moment,..
I meet my eyes…
Unlock the tribe that’s hidden in me.
It calls it and echoes throughout the day and into the night…
Yet, i convince the piece of untitled me..
That i lost the charm,
The charm that can unleash the tribe…
It’s lost its value,
As soon as it is out, into the world,
It’s just gonna be, turning into ashes,
The laughter and the trusted hearts,
It’s where it belongs now.
And when it’s time,
It will push away its barriers,
Until then let it be camouflaged,
Under your serenity…

The things that keeps me alive

The things that keep me alive are not just things…
It’s everything and everyone around me.
It can be the very first piece of life i see as i open my eyes..
It can be the very first sip of a warm glass of tea i take in the morning…
It can be the snowy mornings, or the early sunrise…
It can be the sight of my children, cozily on their bed..wherein i feel like cuddling with them..
It can be the smell of food my mum makes as soon as i am up…
It was those mornings when my dad cuddled me…
It was the yearning of sleeping those extra ten minutes when actually i am late, but I wanna be deep under my sheets..
It’s all those silly little things that i might not write about…
But i wish i could live in it forever.
I love every little detail of my living, and it’s worth living for.

Be you…

Accepting our true selves is quite a challenge. We are always in a constant race to look better, in terms of our overall appearance. We often wish to be older when we are younger and younger as we grow older. We want grey hair to show wisdom when we are young, and as we grow older, we want to dye our hair to look younger. We start using anti-aging creams, wrinkle erasers, and more at an earlier stage, when we should actually be flaunting our true selves.
Love the way we are then.
Health is indeed something one can focus on; it always helps, but the rest never falls into the equation.
We always feel, something is lacking in us…We wanted to be a bit taller, maybe a bit slimmer, or get that hair a bit curlier …..
The lie never ends…
And so does our wish list.
For once, give yourself a chance, a chance to embrace what we are or who we are without all these labels.
Love yourself a bit more.

The freedom to rest

Not every day, I get to choose to take rest, stay away from things, i do every other day with ease. Sometimes, it seems like certain things do not require my attention. It is indeed hard to ignore the feelings, as guilt creeps in as soon as I decide to take a break.
The moment i decide to opt out of doing something, i start to break myself down, which I am pretty sure that I shouldn’t be doing. Even though i know that as a working mother, rest is rarely accidental- most often it is negotiated, postponed, earned and usually interrupted. There is always a line of duty that awaits me.
To me, rest is more like choosing to opt out, without breaking anything; it is more like playing Jenga, where I need to pull out a brick, without collapsing the whole thing. And yes – it is indeed stressful. And yes, choosing to do is indeed a privilege at times, the privilege I feel I worked hard enough to earn.
I could choose to skip cooking a meal, because I am thankful that my work has made me capable of it, and not just laziness, but mostly self-respect. Most of the time, i feel that i need to push myself to listen that my value is not measured by how much I can take on, but by how well I can care for my family and myself.
It is time to educate myself and my kids that freedom to rest is about wisdom and not some failure to balance.

Enjoy your NOW

It’s always hard to value where you are now. Mostly because you are constantly thinking about what’s next… what will be your next step, and so on.
In this race, you forget that where you are now is something you once wished for. You worked hard on it, but then you lost the worth of it by not valuing it.
The exam you passed today, the job you got in, the place you wanna visit, the love you ever wanted in your life, the single life, the young adult life, the proud feeling of being a mother, holding your baby and so on….
The  ‘now’ can be anything you wish for.
Live it to the fullest, because you deserve it.

Dont waste your time worrying too much about your next, at least not before you ever get to soak in that moment of your victory.

Life is short indeed….make it worth living. Count your blessings.

The beauty of unhurried moments….

Oftentimes, i am always trying to capture moments in life, where i am in no hurry. There are no meetings to prep, no train to catch, and so on. In our busy life, which we always take for granted, i am trying to cherish the beauty of it, by pausing a bit. Maybe a few greedy seconds of my life that’s tied to the clock, that i wish to steal away and park it as unhurried moments of my life.
It’s never easy to grab one, because of the constant guilt caused by doing nothing or even pushing your loved ones away, who never understand how much you need those precious moments. It’s hard indeed.
But steal that, and cherish it my dear….my heart whispers. And yes, all i do is follow it. No matter what, i please myself with those unhurried moments, anytime my heart yearns for it.
Trust me, that’s the best gift you can offer yourself. It is when you dont care to do anything for others, but for yourself..
Grab a coffee, a book of ur choice or whatever you love doing and savour it to the fullest. Also, never regret the choice you made for yourself…

Happy 13th….we are officially teen now…

Hmm…
It’s the first time ever since, i began writing my heart out into the world, that I have never heard myself, i feel lost, lost without words… It’s like i have lost them forever. This is the very first time, i feel I’m inconsistent in something i felt like i was alive. It’s sad, at first i thought it was writer’s block…but then i realized it’s not… It’s my mind refraining from putting my thoughts into words. It’s like this year, my words were channelled into something else….Ever since i  began to blog, i enjoyed that part of me, even though the world around me perceived it differently. It never stopped me though, i ran from one identity to another, just like my untrained monkey mind.
I feel pity on myself at times, yet i keep doing the same. I guess that will never stop…i meant switching names… It’s because my mind is never anchored, it’s always in search of a new land…a new horizon ever since it deflowered.
I am enjoying the state of not being able to pour out as well, but again i will. Never completely stop this…one day i might pen again and my happiness will bloom differently… until then…here i  sow the seeds of my creation….to me and WordPress me, for holding on to my insanity….