Alone, Not Lonely: Embracing the Power of Self-Connection

​Being alone and feeling lonely are two different aspects- not something that everyone can understand or relate to.

Often, people get confused about the idea of spending time alone—some call it a lonely moment, and some take it as alone time. It all depends on perspectives.
Being a mom, working woman, managing my household, kids and even my interests – it is being a juggle all along … sometimes i enjoy all that- but at times – i crave some time on my own- not just because i hate my loved ones or their company- it is just that in all that hustle and bustle i have missed a piece of me. Th​e me within me, who loves some silence to listen to the inner voice, who loves to get bored and be subtle.
All other times,- there is a me, who loves to socialize, mingle with all others chill on jokes share a meal and much more. I do skip myself, amidst the echoes of the world around, me when there is a demanding world around me to ensure- I am connected with myself.

I began to enjoy my company

I realized this quite later in life.
For a longer period of my life,  I was constantly seeking attention because, to an extent, i thought no one noticed me. (unless I commit a crime). Yeah- I end up doing things for no reason to gain attention. I guess, growing up, i realized i was just dealing with a lot of image issues in my mind. But then, over the period, especially when i turned, Mom- everything i had built up in my mind- crumbled topiecese. And yes, it is indeed for a good reason. I am happy that it happened.  I started to spend time with my child, taking time to enjoy every little moment i could with her. She became more like a mirror to me; she taught me things that the world around me could never teach me. She was enjoying my company, whereas i never had to put in a tantrum to gain attention. She was looking at me as if everything around her was just null and I was all that meant to her.
She just showed me who I was. And yes, that was a disclosure for me.

Your company is what you need the most

It is true- and it’s just not for women; it’s for men too.
I realized over time, especially when i was struggling to gain my self-respect, get on to a job and be the mom my kids wished to have – I had faced all my ups and downs. For a moment, i thought that I had hit rock bottom. But, again, spending my time on reflecting what I want to, what i love doing, what i enjoy- i kind of weighed my priorities quite well. It helped me in many ways.

There was a time when I was picking every little thing i could to land a job. It was more like a monkey jumping from one branch to another, but then self-reflection -especially without any other intervention- helped me figure out what i really wanna do and what i am capable of.
To be honest, it’s never a small thing to achieve.

Being alone is not lonely – it is being in your own company

The next time , someone criticises you  for taking your time off- just shut them up in a room and let them enjoy theirs. Jokes apart- its not easy to teach someone, until they experience it. Let them keep their own assumptions, stop explaining to them – save your time and enjoy your own company.  

To say or not to say

I am not sure if saying is important or choosing not to say it is important. Again it all depends on your situation. Words can be hurtful; expecting every other idiot you face to understand your point of view is an unimaginable aspect. All you can do is hold your thoughts and let the world assume whatever nonsense they want…..think out loud,… doesn’t really harm you… To be honest, it doesn’t…
Your silence is much more precious than an unhealthy argument you kick-start.
Have you not noticed that whatever you come up with as a point to stand for yourself, the person opposite to you will never be able to decipher?
It’s just simple…
Each and everyone has a different journey and we all just meet briefly at a point – some test our patience, some trigger our patience.
Choose what not to say…
Or what to say.
Is important.
But do weigh your words…
Unspoken words weigh a lot at times…

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Of Solitude and Stars
#ofsolutudeandstars #relationship #words #whattosay #whatnottosay #conversations

How to Set Boundaries Without Sounding Distant

​Boundaries- seems like a heavy word with a different perceived meaning. Some words are not precisely what they are meant to be.
Give it an upside-down view, think and understand what it means- in certain instances, you might be surprised to know what it means.

Among land and water, it is more like setting the space, till where it should be extended, and if you notice, setting boundaries between the land and water never means that it never grew or flourished. Growth never means expanding sideways; you can grow deeper and better from within. And yes – what i meant was boundaries help to do so as well.

Just not to beat around the bush, what i mean is boundaries are important even in relationships. The human mind is so complicated that it seeks attention and distance at the same time.  And to know when to take into consideration what is important.
It’s not easy, but again, it’s not impossible.
In today’s world, humans are long lost in the struggles of everyday duties and responsibilities – not just towards them, but also towards people around them. To find time for what they really crave to do- even if it is for a simple minute away from all never seems simple – but a task. And why is it so?

Simple, we are loaded with emotional expectations from the world around us – our closest circle. Boundaries bring an incredible sense of clarity to your mind. Every moment, we are expelling energy, be it spending some time with your loved one. You are constantly engaging in conversation, appreciating the moment and soaking into it- and it doesn’t mean you are preserving energy. Your energy is expended now and then, which gets you to exhaustion in no time. The sad part is that your partner next to you never understands. You are burning down every second, drained and misunderstood, eventually when boundaries are withdrawn.

It’s hard to get someone to understand that as an individual, some need their alone time, and for some, it is indeed tough to ask. Growing up, I remember that my dad took his own time to spend on his own, like going for a walk, sipping a drink, etc., something of his choice. On the other hand, i have never seen my mom cherish a sip of her tea or some time to relax; she was constantly on the run to get one thing or the other done.  Watching her do these, eventually, i became reluctant to take my time off for anything. But again, we never stop growing inwardly, and that led me to realize that i need to give some time to let my mind wander.

Ta… Da…

The result is that I have come to a better understanding of myself and the world around me. I have less resentment toward the world around me since I can take my time out and be better around the others i love. To be honest, the communication got better, and respect doubled, be it with my partner, my kids, my mom or be it anyone.

How do we achieve it?

Indeed, this is the hard step towards success.
In our society, seeking alone time is more like a crime.
I know; even I am crabby when my daughter seeks some time off from all of us. But over the years, i am coming to terms with my inner self, who is seeking love and much more from my teenage daughter.
Boundaries are required in any relationship. It’s not just among partners.
Possessive lovers seem to grab you by your neck and hold on to the soul, assuming they have it all. The fact is- they have lost them. Space is required for any relationship to be nurtured.
Hence, to achieve this alone time, express your feelings, explain the need and reassure that this does not cause love to fade away. It is hard, but if you want your relationship to grow further, be the player.

Boundaries aren’t barriers—they’re bridges to deeper connections.

The tethered soul

Fading,
feeling unconscious and lost;
unknown emotions stirring my mind;
thoughts fading in and out, uncontrollably;
words waiting to spread out;
unable to spread the wings, under the walls unseen;
breathing becomes uneven;
yet the soul stands still;
like nothing has ever happened;
so calm and enduring- from the outside;
but with the absurdest storm within;
thrashing every bit of uneven thoughts that lay beneath the mind.
still smiling;
unwavering remained the tears;
since the pain was within;
pricking the deepest portion of the mind;
unknown to the world outside;
There lies another silent tortured soul,
lost in the so-called happy life.

-The tethered soul

Mind Over Mirror: How Mental Health and Body Image Are Linked

Back in the early years, yea a millennial like me can relate, where social media was null,  TV and movies, played a vital role in creating a stigma in our mind. I remember looking at Urmila in Rangeela, or Raveena Tandon in “tu cheez badi hai mast mast”, and many more. I was obsessed with the thought that beauty means “that”.

Being an overly healthier body, I did have lots of body shaming in my childhood, but again, luckily, i never treated those comments as some defining aspects of me. I gradually and eventually started to accept myself as who I was- thanks to my close-knit family and friends. They loved me and cared for me beyond what I looked like. Eventually, my focus shifted to something that interested me, and not these images that led me to think I was not good.

Social media and the current “reel” industry have led kids around us to feel so bad about themselves. Endless scrolling, and each time you end up in a better image, which is unreal, but again, the sad truth is the kids are unknown. Since day 1, they see this, and this becomes their reality forever. Today, each and everyone, not only the current generation, but all are so engrossed in the “reel” industry, that they are unable to distinguish what’s real and unreal. The unreal part is much more fancied and rooted in their minds- even in the majority of millennials and the new gen.

Even cartoons showcase girls and boys as perfect images, no deformation, not even a pimple on their face- setting unreal standards – causing us, to set impossible standards and hate the original self. What are we leading ourselves to- We are unable to accept even the tiny scars, and wrinkles that are growing on us.
Remember the days when we used to play outside and get hurt? i still have those memories- though scars fade away with time. Stop seeking validation on our looks, but go for the brains- it’s always worth it.

Take your brain out of the body images that are built by social media- focus on the real you- the one within your heart- Earn the respect from the one, whom you have pushed into the darkness.

When Your Child Teaches You Something Profound

​I believe that we are surrounded by good and bad teachers. I am not pointing to the so-called “hi-fi degrees” required to be one. To be honest, all my life,  I have grown among teachers, thanks to my mom, who is a teacher, was a teacher and forever a teacher. I am not speaking about the bookish things we learned in life. So far, I hardly remember what or how to add fractions. As soon as my kid gets her book full of questions, I am like the kid in Tare Zameen Par. Lost in the world of the unknown.

I never thought that I would be taking care of two kids in my life. It was indeed the scariest and the life-changing decis​ion i have ever made in my life. And yes, I am happy that I made that decision. Ever since i became a mom, it’s been a cycle of trial and error- more of errors, though.

 I am like running a lab full of tried and tested items. And yes, out of all these experiences, all I am good at is – giving the life lecture to my friends, who are on the journey ( there is no one perfect, though, I am just a humble one on my journey of parenting).

My kids, on the other hand, are growing to be an experts at handling a mom like me. They know exactly what they need to say, do or not do, to make me do the things i asked them to do. At times, I wonder, is it me parenting them, or are they making me a parent? Anyways, both ways, things are going pretty the way they should be.
As they grow, they remind me every​ other day that I need to love myself a little more, enjoy my time, and chill more. Ever since they came into my life, things have gone upside down, but I see things with a varied perspective, something i missed at an early age. The empath in me has grown tremendously. Sometimes, i wonder if I  could feel all the emotions in the world and hear their issues and thoughts.

Being mom, is indeed a hard decision to take, because the journey is never easy. Your child hates you, loves you and even embrace you at different phases of your lif- This is what makes it much more adventurous.

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Of Solitude and Stars

#ofsolitudeandstars #soulrecitals #beingmom #soulrecitals #sreepriyawrites

Happiness is not defined by external forces

Your future does not define your happiness all the time.
We always focus on what might come next to enjoy or to be happy. I  will be happy when i get a new job. I will be happy when i lose weight.  You need to realize that your happiness does not depend on your future but on your present.
Shut your eyes, and soak in the moment.
Ask yourself, are u happy?
You may not be content, or you may be on a journey, but at this moment, do you feel like you have done something worthwhile for yourself?

Unjudged, unpredicted incidents in life….are some things that make it livable.
Focus on your moments, the moments you gilled your lungs with unpolluted air….the brush of the wind, on your cheeks, the tangles caused by the wind as it plays with your untamed hair….the smile that brightens with a flower blooming…the soothing melody of the birds chirping, waking you up from the deep slumber…caused by your stertorous days you have had…
Enjoy all the little things; they define your happiness.
Give yourself permission to be happier.
Alone or not alone..
Do not put your happiness on the stake of someone or something. You deserve this happiness.
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Of solitude and stars
#ofsolitudeandstars #soulrecitals #happiness #writersofinstagram